Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Overzealous, underwater....

Chemo Week. I started it last Thursday night with the hope of feeling better in time for the Huck Cancer Tournament. Things started out so well. I had some wonderful new tidbits from Joe about how to reduce the amount of extra meds I was taking. My first few days felt better than ever before. My appetite was pretty strong, and I had relatively good energy. I was even being careful and working from home part-time in order to maintain my rest. After the 5 days had passed, I still felt pretty good. Had I figured out the secret?

Nice try. This morning I woke up, and decided I was feeling good enough to pop out of bed and head into work for a full day. One smoothie breakfast later and I was on my way down the highway. As soon as I exited the highway, my body began to revolt. I rushed to the side of the road and...well...let's just say that smoothie tasted way better going down. I ended up heading into work, but suddenly I felt like I'd been tossed into a washing machine, rinse cycle. I pushed myself too hard.

The frustration is really hard to describe. There are certain key parts of my life that are suppressed during Chemo Week. In fact, if I didn't enjoy sleep, for the most part, it would be every key aspect of my life that is suppressed. Work is one of them. It contains part of my identity whether I want it to or not. And when I feel strained from my ability to contribute, it really hurts.

Yes, I do understand what I need to do, I'm just venting from the bottom of the ditch. I mean, really? I need 12 hours of sleep and then naps during the day? For several days? Really? Yes, really.

4 comments:

  1. Just give your body what it needs ... sound like sleep is it. You can work later. (((hugs)))

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  2. Hang in there, little bro. Think of it as "advanced training" for when you're 95 years old. When we get there, YOU can teach ME how to do the "12 hour sleep plus a nap" thing. We can arm wrestle in between naps....
    Love you, and have fun at the tourney tomorrow--we're all there in spirit!

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  3. Hi Eric -- my offer for chocolate chip cookies still stands, anytime. If I'd known of your tourney (awesome btw), I would've gone to town! Best wishes, Anne. :)

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