Friday, September 18, 2009

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired"

That's pretty much a description of my current status, summarized for me by "H-Lo". Yes, I have finished the initial 6-week treatment, and yes, at some level it should feel like a wonderful accomplishment. But to be honest, I haven't yet felt the release I was hoping for. Unfortunately, this led to a slight relapse, since reality fell far short of my expectation. At the same time, my fantastic friends and family wanted to send positive messages my way and celebrate the latest milestone, and I wanted to join in on the celebration. Having "fallen short" in that effort too...well...let's just say that yesterday was a rough day. I do want to be clear that I really appreciate everyone reaching out to me with positive thoughts on completing a tremendous benchmark. And I do understand that there are no external expectations regarding how I should be feeling. I know you'll all hang in there as long as necessary, and since I definitely sense things are moving forward, I'm pretty sure I'll catch up to everyone soon.

I was told by my radiation oncologist that in fact there is generally a phase delay for the reaction to the treatment, and that I might feel worse in a week or so. She also commented that given how well things have gone for me so far, there's a good chance that the typical phase delay might not apply as strongly to me. So, lemme 'splain. Wait, no time to 'splain. Lemme sum up: I still have an excuse for not always feeling great and "super social", but I can still be optimistic that things will get better.

Now for the fun part. On my last day, the techs who have been killing my tumor every day for the last 6 weeks gave me a little certificate in honor of the completion of my treatment. They were a wonderful team, even though I hope I never have to visit them in the cancer center again.....

I also got to keep my creepy "mask". Should I sell it at the Folsom St. Fair or keep it for Halloween?


  1. Glad your through! I'd say keep the mask, is it decoratable? You could turn it into something else entirely.

  2. Congrats W. I hope you are feeling better real soon. (((hugs))) C

  3. Congrats Eric! Try to keep positive and good thoughts. I know its hard as I'm going through the same thing. I get my certificate tomorrow. I know the feeling of feeling worse. I took off Friday and last Friday as its hard working 5 days a week. Tonight are my last Temodar (150mg). When you're up to it, give me a call and let's go get a drink!

  4. Hey Eric:

    John Rosapepe here - friend of Adriana & Liz - have been following your wonderful blog - a big congratulations on finishing your radiation treatment -having gone through six weeks of radiation therapy - different region and different side effects - I had delayed effects too - not to be depressing but mine lasted three months - so hang in there - as you know it isn't uncommon - although that doesn't make it feel better. Best John

  5. Eric - you rock - even when you are not being "super social". Been there done that ... Love, Jodi

  6. Oh and the mask - I say turn it into a ceremonial art piece! I'm sure you could find designer colors since I now know you rank with Michele on color schemes :)